Six Practices we Discovered in our own Journey
Through our own journey, we discovered six practices that helped us to not only survive our own emotional trauma of divorce but to thrive and live out our beautiful redemption story.
Do the Work
We are going to keep this one simple. DO THE WORK. You can’t cheat your way past emotional trauma. Be intentional, have a goal, put in the effort. It is worth it. You are worth it. What it looks like differs for everyone. Find something that works for you, then work it.
Get Help
This one is pretty self-explanatory. You can’t go down this road alone. There are too many emotions involved. Your friends and church can help you but don’t wait for help to come to you. You be intentional, you speak up and invite people to walk alongside you. We are also big believers in getting professional counseling when needed. Even medical help if you need help with sleeping or anxiety during this period.
Press into God
For us, our faith is very centric to our story. Our past, present, and future. Our faith provided an anchor of hope, grace, forgiveness, and healing. Whatever that looks like for you, press into it. Do not lose this, play the victim, blame him/her. Like a wounded or scared child, press into that safe place.
Be Present
This one is tricky because it has a dual meaning for us.
- Be present in time and space with your emotions. Allow yourself brave space to feel all the feels, shattered dreams, shame, anger, disappointment. They are real feelings and to come out healthy sometimes you need to sit with them for a while, even though that sucks and doesn’t feel good at the moment.
- Be present with other people. This ties back to getting help. Isolation is a killer, quite literally sometimes when people face emotional trauma. Be intentional to be present in people's lives, understanding there are times you need to draw away and be still, be alone. But, also allow people to be present with you. This means not shutting people out. But you can choose who you let to be present. For those you allow to be present with you, make sure they understand you don’t need them to fix anything, you just need them to be there.
Own Your Shit- but nothing more
So many people want us to change this to “Own your stuff” or “become self-aware”. But both of those just miss the emphasis we feel. Regardless of if the divorce was your choice or not, or if there was any “great sin” involved. You need to own your part in it. We tend to be an all or nothing culture. Which means it was either “all their fault” or the self abashing it was “all my fault”. Neither of which is healthy. Do the work to discover what is truth, then work on those areas in your life that you need to. I guarantee you have some, no one is perfect. You could easily miss a great growth opportunity if you walk away thinking you have nothing to work on because it was all the other person's fault. Likewise, you could be working on something that was said about you, that you accepted as true, but isn’t real. That won't get you healthy either. Own your shit, but nothing more. Often this requires some serious reflection as well as outside help from either a professional or a trusted group of friends who know you and the situation well.
Unfiltered Truth- with precautions
If you are not painfully honest in this journey you will end up sabotaging your healing process or at least hindering it. The truth can be hard for you to swallow, often harder to speak to others. But is essential to your healing journey. Sorting through all the lies, stories, feelings to get to the truth can be exhausting. But you need to get there, raw, unfiltered, real, no matter how ugly it is. And only when you are honest with yourself can you begin to work on yourself unhindered by deception. Our caveat to this is, be wise to who you are getting vulnerable with. Not everyone can handle it. And, you will be surprised by who uses this unfiltered truth against you. Even with the risks you need to find a way to incorporate this practice into your journey. I’d refer you back to the practice of Getting Help. Just be wise, find trusted people, and get real.